A Japanese Wake

A few weeks ago, I attended a Japanese wake, it felt distinctly Japanese, at least when compared to the very Christian funerals I have attended. I've mentioned that I went to a few friends and they were all very curious as to what it was like, so I thought I'd share it with you. My understanding of Japanese is still pretty minimal, and the words I do know are not particularly funeral related, so some of this is speculation on my part, and others with the help of our dear friend, the internet.

I went to junior high on Monday and was told that the father of the vice-principal had died, and all of the teachers were attending the wake, which was the next day. One of my JTEs came up to me and told me about it, and told me I could get a ride to the funeral home with some of the teachers. I was told to wear a black suit if I had one.

The next day, at a different school, I asked my super friendly supervisor about giving money-- which I knew about from reading the JET handbook. She told me I should give 3,000Yen (or about $30). She also gave me the appropriate envelope to put it in, and showed me where to put my name, wrote the name of the Junior high I work at, and on the back of the envelope I wrote the amount.

After school I went home and changed into a black suit (or the closest thing I had, which was a white blouse with a black jacket and skirt) and then went to the Junior high to get catch my ride. Once at the funeral home, I followed the teachers in, we signed our names in the register, entered the home and greeted the family with a bow, and they bowed back. Then we went to a side table and gave our money envelopes. Each person who gave an envelope was given a gift bag in return, and took our seats midway into the hall. At the front of the hall was the casket and a huge floral design, with a large picture of the deceased in the middle.

We got there about 30 minutes before the service began, so I had time to realize that all of the women there were not wearing black suits, but rather black dresses with black tights, or black pants with black shirts and grey or black pearl necklaces- so I was a little out of place, but not terribly. Being tall and blond made me stick out in the crowd already, so I wished I had worn a black shirt and black tights. (I didn't really want to make a fashion "look at me" statement at a funeral) but all of the men were wearing white shirts, so it wasn't terribly out of place, and was likely the most conscious of my fashion misstep.)

The service was run by the hall staff, who made announcements and told people what to do when. A priest came to the front and read (what I assume to be) a sutra. He read this sutra for a solid 45 minutes, while people went up and offered incense on small burners in front of the floral display. First the family members offer incense, after which the visitors take turns in offering incense, and then bow at the family, who bows back. Everyone is ushered about by the hall staff and it is all very orderly.

Once back in our seats, everyone holds their juzu-- which is like a Buddhist rosary between their hands, until all of the guests have gone up, put incense on the burner and bowed at the family. Then once the guests are done and the priest has finished his sutra, my vice principal (I assume to be the highest in the hierarchy of the family) said a few words, the internet tells me he was thanking the visitors, but I think it was also a bit of an eulogy, and his words lead to some teary eyes around me. After which the family goes outside and everyone leaves, bowing once more as they go outside, and we also received a box of cookies from the grandchildren.

Back at home I investigated my gift bag. I received a box of green tea powder, an envelope with the details of the deceased on it, and a cardboard box with two half orbs of sugar, one in clear plastic and one in pink plastic. I haven't been able to figure out what the sugar is for-- I think it's an offering for a shrine, as it certainly doesn't look like it's intended to crack open and stir into your coffee, but can’t find any writing to confirm that.

The all black, no exceptions, attire, the chanting of the sutras, and the bowing were very different from Western funerals, but still lead to the overall feeling of sadness and mourning. I was thankful for being included with the teachers in attending the wake to give my condolences to my vice principal and his family.